Letter to the editor: Proposal to shutter libraries is very shortsighted

Editor’s note: Vermont State University recently announced that it would transition to “all-digital” library and repurpose the physical library spaces on its campuses.

Who needs books anyway? They just clutter up the place. Take up space. All we need today is mindless little cell phone.

So give away the library. Give to elementary schools. Kids can sit on books, sell chairs. Kinders can use books for blocks.

While cost-cutting, sell dorm mattresses, students can sleep on boards, backpacks for pillows.

On second thought, no need for backpacks, no books to carry. Save on backpacks. Too bad, no pillows. No worry to fall asleep reading. No reading needed. AI will study and write it all.

Sell dormitory doors. That won’t do, no possible closure on anything. Sell beds, sleep on books.

Shame on Gutenberg anyway. Such a shocking wasteful invention. Think of all the trees turned to paper. All the cows’ hooves boiled to glue to bind up books.

And all the dusty libraries that are weighing down the world. Clean house. Throw out the Library of Congress.

Look up everything on your phone. Always 50 opinions on everything. But no worry, just average all the gibber, there’s the answer.

No matter what comes up it must be true, I read in on Perplexity. Google’s passé.

ChatGBT will cinch the deal with witty paper on no books that pollute one’s mind. A mind wrote this one.

Do we need minds anymore? No books. No minds just our merry little AI.

Big Brother will direct us to think as we are supposed to. That is, not think.

Glory and pleasure left to the state. Why stress our minds?

Should I marry that person? Push the matrimonial button, yes! Then push sex button. But first the contraception button. No need for kids. AI can do it all. Except sex, that is.

But sleeping on books so uncomfortable, let your phone deal with the sex. More efficient.

Look in your bed of books for stimulating reading.

Ah, a tome on The Regenerative Power of Micro-organisms Invading Spermatozoa that’re Pestering Fleeing Ova; maybe too much?

But never fear, give AI the cheer, have a beer, your phone is near, oh, it’s sincere, books only smear, Perplexity votes Shakespeare.

So that’s a page from your life, a new chapter, an index to your future of no contents, you’re now just a foot note to AI. Merry Christmas.

Paul Stone


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