NEW HAVEN RESIDENT Jen Grilly, shown here working on a knitting project, recently helped establish the new Grieving and Weaving program at the New Haven Community Library. The offering is aimed at providing a space for community members to connect with others who are grieving and enjoy the healing benefits of crafting together.
Independent photo/Marin Howell

NEW HAVEN — Navigating grief can be an isolating, painful and overwhelming experience, but we don’t have to go through it alone.

A new program starting up at the New Haven Community Library aims to offer community members a space to process grief together while enjoying the healing benefits of crafting. It’s called “Grieving and Weaving,” and is being spearheaded by New Haven resident Jen Grilly.

“Everyone says that there’s no timeline on grief, and so people who have lost someone years ago are still grieving this process and may not feel like there’s space for that grief anymore because of that timeline,” Grilly said during a recent interview. “I don’t want people to feel that way. I want people to feel like there’s a space for them wherever they are in this grief process, and that their grief is valid and real and there are people out there who understand.”

Grilly found inspiration for the program in an NPR audio story a friend forwarded her after Grilly’s mother died this past summer. The piece highlighted a “Grieving and Weaving” workshop at the Green-Wood Cemetery in New York City.

“I had no idea what (the article) was about, but I had sat down at my sewing machine that my mom gifted me and was working on a project because it was something that she and I shared together,” Grilly recalled. “(I) started listening to this story about a group of folks in Brooklyn that essentially started this type of gathering where people were bringing crafts together and just sharing in their stories and what those projects meant to them.”

The story resonated with Grilly, who said she’d found working on crafts to be helpful while navigating grief.

“It provided me a lot of comfort because it was something my mom and I had shared in terms of quilting and doing a lot of crafting together,” Grilly said. “I found a lot of comfort in it immediately, but had never thought about doing it with others and that others might also find comfort in the projects and the ritual and the tradition.”

Grilly took to Front Porch Forum to see if other community members were also grieving and finding crafts as a source of a comfort, as well as if there was any interest in creating a space for residents to work on those projects together.

She heard back almost immediately from the New Haven Congregational Church and from New Haven Community Library Director Ruth Shattuck Bernstein, both offering to provide space for such gatherings.

“I’m looking for the library to be that community space, so it just seemed perfect to reach out to Jen and offer,” Shattuck Bernstein said. “What I’m doing here is always trying to find community needs, and I have a feeling that just on its own coming together is a need, and then also since so many people are grieving in different ways and different times that that’s a need.”

Shattuck Bernstein reflected on a grief retreat she’d attended, noting that the most powerful part of the experience was being with others who’d had similar experiences. She said that aspect of the program is one reason the idea for Grieving and Weaving appealed to her.

She also shared a couple of ways the program fits into the library’s programming overall.

“One thing that this reflects is trying to offer resources and programs that aren’t easily available somewhere else already and emphasizing reaching people/groups of people who might not already be easily accessible resources,” Shattuck Bernstein said. “Also, one of my favorite things is to jump on awesome ideas community members have, especially if they want to volunteer to help facilitate!”

Grilly and Shattuck Bernstein held the first Grieving and Weaving gathering at the library in September, and a second event is scheduled for Thursday, Nov. 21, at 6 p.m.

All are welcome to attend the gatherings, and participants can bring any type of craft or project to work on.

“I think it can be open to anybody grieving any kind of loss and any kind of project that is helping them heal,” Grilly said.

The goal is to eventually offer Grieving and Weaving gatherings monthly, depending on community members’ interest.

Grilly and Shattuck Bernstein noted a key part of the offering is just letting residents know such a space is out there and available to them.

“Even if somebody never comes but they just saw, ‘Oh, there are other people going through something similar,’ or maybe someday they want to (attend),” Shattuck Bernstein said.

They envision the program will be fairly free-form to start out, but could eventually incorporate reading a book together or bringing in community members with expertise in different areas related to grief and loss.

“Definitely we’re not mental health professionals; we’re not guiding people through grief or anything,” Shattuck Bernstein noted. “We’re just a place to build community and talk.”

Ultimately, Shattuck Bernstein and Grilly hope the gatherings provide a space for community members to connect with others going through similar things.

“(Providing) the metaphorical space and the physical space — but just where people can find each other in that space,” Grilly said.

MORE AT THE LIBRARY

Grieving and Weaving is one of several offerings at the New Haven Community Library, which hosts a variety of events and programs each month. Recent events have included a presentation by Vergennes boatbuilder Douglas Brooks, a college application essay workshop with Middlebury College admissions staff, and a story and snack time with WIC.

“I try to do a lot by partnerships,” Shattuck Bernstein said of the library’s offerings. “I’m always trying to do a range of different things.”

The New Haven Community Library recently added a new library assistant position for four hours per week. The new role will help tackle a variety of responsibilities at the library, such as supporting patrons and assisting different aspects of library services and programs.

More information about that role and other library happenings can be found at www.nhcl.org.