I am so offended by the article “What’s the etiquette when inviting singles to your wedding?” in the most recent “Wedding Planner,” that I feel compelled to write this letter. 
Why the need to treat single people differently than couples? Why would you want to make your single friends/family members feel “othered,” to feel like they are not as valued as married guests? 
There’s a whole paragraph on “length of relationship” as a consideration for whether to allow them a guest. Why should it even be a consideration of whether someone is “unmarried” or in a relationship (however defined) and for how long? Why is it just a courtesy to think of recently divorced or widowed guests, who “may not feel comfortable bringing a date along,” and thus “it may be worth the courtesy to allow these types of guests to bring someone along so they can feel more comfortable” (my emphasis added). 
Why the emphasis on “date” with its implied meanings, and not simply “guest”? Why is it rude for someone single to bring a guest uninvited, but not considered rude of the hosts to not allow them that option?
It is courtesy to think of the comfort level of any of your guests just as you would consider their dietary needs, accessibility needs, etc. The emphasis in the article comes down to value, as in money. Is it worth the cost to allow an extra person?
If money is more of a consideration than a focus on the celebration by all of a wedding, there are so many other ways to save money. Is it more important to spend money on all those little party favors on the table that end up getting left behind? Is it more important to have an elaborate display of flowers when less or more simple ones would do? Could you have a nice buffet (there’s always leftover food) instead of a full course sit down dinner? Beer and wine versus a full unlimited bar?
How about this simple advice: Make everyone you invite feel welcomed to bring another person, whether it be a spouse, partner, or someone else. Plan on the fact that some spouses/partners won’t be able to make it, some single people will come solo by choice or circumstance, and budget accordingly. Really, this is the 21st century!
Brenda Ellis
Middlebury