The New Age of Faith, one nation under clod. (Clod: a lump or mass of earth or clay from whence we all evolved.)
After almost two-and-a-half centuries since the Declaration of Independence, it is high time to set the document and the record straight.
Our so-called Founding Fathers established the Declaration on their misperceived concepts of a firm, absolute base and ground of principles, which time and science has since laid to waste.
We move on to our current Confounding Fathers, which ingeniously navigate and mingle the primary elements of thought so that they cannot be distinguished or separated. Hence permitting the new enlightened reigning monarch, absolute relativism facilitating any manner of thought, concepts or activity which is more convenient at a moment in time for the pleasure of the citizen.
With this in mind, let us correct and rephrase key language in the Declaration consistent with today’s universal wisdom.
The laws of Nature and Mother Nature entitles us to split from former political bonds and claim a certain status in the scheme of things.
We further believe in the self-obvious truth, namely that all men follow a fairly similar path of evolution and are therefore endowed by the laws of evolution and cosmic chance by the Great Black Hole and the foresight, vision and power of the Cosmic Vacuum.
With certain alien rights, undocumented residents are particularly endowed.
We have a right to be here.
A right to unlimited, unmonitored civil rights, liberties and license.
A right to pursuit of unrelenting pleasure, unencumbered by attendant responsibilities.
Rights are ours according to the Great Cosmos.
Responsibilities are someone else’s responsibility.
Conclusion: Since everything is relative, we firmly believe in absolute relativism which in turn gives us absolute individual freedom unhampered by conscience and rendering everything irrelevant.
Appealing to the Supreme Stellar formation of the Galaxies for the rectitude and longitude of our intentions with a firm reliance on the protection of Cosmic Chance. We mutually pledge to each other whatever is convenient at the time.
We fellow Clodhoppers solemnly affirm these words with our signature, and proclaim once and for all our glorious new national motto: One Nation Under Clod.
Rustan Swenson, Shoreham