Greg Dennis: Stay out of the police log in 2015

However 2014 may have treated you, perhaps you can take some small comfort from the fact that it didn’t include any of the incidents below. They’re drawn from police reports published in this newspaper last year.
Hi, Ho, Silver! Late one night last July, Bristol police had to use a rope to capture a riderless horse that was galloping down Main Street. The horse was returned to its owner.
Lie down and be quiet: That same month, Bristol police responded to reports of a couple who were arguing. The woman said her boyfriend had been in a dispute with the neighbors — but that he had since then “passed out on the couch.”
Special Delivery: Middlebury police responded to an Aug. 2 report about a “suspicious vehicle,” which turned out to be in use to deliver newspapers. (Very suspicious activity, indeed.) In a separate incident in Bristol, a resident complained that his neighbor, a newspaper deliveryman, woke him up every morning with his loud car muffler.
Drugs should be free: A dispute at a local pharmacy prompted a call to police, because an irate customer was refusing to pay for a 21-cent prescription.
Can thievery make a political statement? Someone stole a four-foot-tall cement statue of an African-American male from a Hancock residence. The statue depicted a barefoot slave boy who was holding a lamp and dressed in rags.
We have a new pope: A group of teenagers set off a smoke bomb at the Lord’s Prayer Rock on Route 116.
We may have another new pope: Investigating what was described as “a strange fire and gathering” on Valley View Road, police found staff members from a local church who were burning confidential church records. The staff members were advised to use a paper shredder instead.
A harrowing experience: A Leicester woman was cited for driving under the influence, after she allegedly drove into a set of harrows that was being pulled behind a tractor on Route 7. There were two children in the woman’s car.
Drink till you drop: A drunken man apparently drove himself to Porter Hospital for treatment, even though he was so intoxicated that his blood alcohol content was three times the legal limit.
We love our government: Two incidents were reported last year of break-ins at local town offices — one in Middlebury and the other in Starksboro. The latter incident resulted in the theft of copper water pipes from the basement.
I’ve got a crush on you: A tractor-trailer crashed on Route 22A north of Audet’s Curve in Bridport, when the driver of a large Kenworth lost control of his truck in heavy rain. The truck was hauling 96,000 pounds of crushed cars. Though the truck and trailer both overturned, no one was hurt.
It’s way past my naptime: Middlebury police responded after a man was reported to have fallen asleep in his vehicle, while waiting in the drive-in lane of a Court Street pharmacy.
Love at first sight: Vergennes police dealt with an incident in which two students were said to have exposed themselves to each other.
As strange as all those incidents might seem, they’re also-rans in the competition for “Most Bizarre Police Report of 2014.” The runner-up for that award is:
Shoot, honey, I can’t find my gun: Adding a whole new dimension to the meaning of the Bristol Stampede, a woman mistakenly donated her husband’s gun to the charity event. The Smith and Wesson .44 magnum, with an 8-inch barrel, was eventually traced and returned to its owner.
And the top award goes to …
Hitting the trifecta for the win: A father and son who were doing dishes in a Bristol home came to blows over dirty dishes. When police were called to the residence, they subsequently cited the father for possession of marijuana — and then assisted a pregnant woman at the scene who had gone into labor.
Here’s wishing you a Happy New Year, and one in which your name does not appear in the police log.
Gregory Dennis’s column appears here every other Thursday and is archived on his blog at www.gregdennis.wordpress.com. Email: [email protected]. Twitter: @greengregdennis.

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